One long month

From Bryce Aubrey Zeiner

Today is the one month anniversary of Bryce's death. To be honest, I do not know what to write.

Bryce we miss you... or at least the idea of you. How can you miss something that you weren't use to? Bryce was not part of our everyday routine, he was just inside me. I miss the concept of my second child, but that does not include medical needs, pain and death. I yearn for a healthy Bryce, the little baby that would be kicking my ribs and soon to be keeping me up all night. Is that fair to miss something that was never truly real? To be so self absorbed that I really only miss the thought of a child, but not Bryce? I am completely perplexed on how I should feel. So today, I give up. It is part of my nature to make everyone feel better, to let them know that it will be ok. Today is simply not that day.

Knowing that people might be looking at the blog specifically today, I did want to share yesterday's memorial and more of my most recent thoughts. Pictures are posted in Bryce's photo album, I hope that everyone can see what a beautiful place Bryce is buried. The headstone is currently being made, we are having a craftsman carve something special for Bryce. Once we have it placed we will post a picture of this a well.

Love to all,
Dianna